late night rambling

I got a comment by Thomas that I have not updated this post in quite a while. Hes right and I am going to amend that. Its 2 in the morning and I need to go to bed but I have not been sleeping good lately. Dont know what it is, but hopefully will be fixed soon.
Not much is going on in my life. Still need a job of some sort. Thinking about just volunteering at a hospital if I can not get a job there. The more I think about getting a job at a restaurant or some other place, the more I hate that idea. I would rather go back to repairing computers (which is something I would rather stay away from altogether).

I tried watching Phantom of the Opera last night and did not like it one bit. Maybe I would be more inclined to like it with a female companion, but its not terribly enjoyable watching it with another guy. Not too bad though, got it free from the library. More people need to learn that the library is a great invention.

Still working on reading through tolstoy and keirkegaard, both of which are really deep but very profound. I have returned theorou (I can never spell his name correctly) for I found it was leading me down a wrong path. He has alot of things to say, but he fails to realize the significance of love and communion with people.

Tolstoy really makes me think about what Jesus really meant with his teachings. It seems that it is so simple but its obviously not. I am so tired of being led astray by people with their opinions and biased thoughts. Why cant we love God and love our neighbors? Why is it so hard to show true love?

Its late and I just needed to update this real quick. Just to let anyone who reads this know, I am not OK with the life I am currently leading right now.